Here is the truth, you can’t persuade someone into caring for you. Let’s assume it’s not performative and no facade is at play. The level of care and consistency you desire is far beyond your locus of control, and in some cases beyond theirs as well. It is easy to link the outcome to your own trajectory and shortcomings, which creates a deep sense of inadequacy. It is in our nature to do that. The human eye only detects physical structure, the least important aspect. You can see their physical features and nothing beyond that. You can’t see the deep rooted trauma or the dysfunctional behavioural patterns that formed as a byproduct of childhood discrepancies. You can’t see their trauma linked arousal dependency. Let’s assume you offer consistency, peace, and love. The probability of that being reciprocated by someone whose childhood was molded by cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone, is relatively low. Yet it is common for us to create a narrative around experiences like those that says “I wasn’t good enough.” People can only love in the way they know how. The determining factor is not how much you offered but how much they were offered. You can’t see their internal dialogue. You simply don’t know.